Do you think the person who originally made the poem thinks yours is better?
     This is a very interesting question.  This question is raised anytime there is a remake of an original version.  There is always a critic or audience member that needs to know how the original artist felt about the remade work.  I believe Billy Collins is not making fun of or criticizing the original artists work.  I believe he rewrote a funny version of the poem as a way to create homage to the original writing.  The original poet would understand this and find Billy Collins version creative and funny.  If Collins had written a remake that jabs at or makes fun of the original, the first poet might not think so highly of it.  But, I believe Collins payed tribute to the poet while making a fun and enjoyable poem as well.


Do you feel that cliche metaphors are ineffective at conveying strong meaning?
     Billy Collins uses different and unique metaphors to convey his message in his poem.  In the original poem, it begins with a cliche line.  Then, Collins changes the words into his own, non-cliche lyrics to a hysterical poem.  I do not believe that Collins thinks that cliche metaphors are ineffective.  Instead, I think it is in the eye of the reader to decide whether a poem conveys a strong meaning or not.  Poems are meant for people to think and feel.  If one poem allows a person to do these things and another does not, it does not mean that one is more effective then another.  Although, anything if written to much can have less of an effect on people, it is in the eye of the reader that decides a poems meaning. 


Can you relate to this poem in one of your own relationships?
     I believe that every poet uses instances from their own lives to write their poems.  Everyone has relationships that they love, hate or are neutral about.  This poem is about love, everyone has love in their life in one way or another.  The best poems and stories are those that are personal but also relate to society as a whole.  I am sure that Collins had a relationship in his life that he thought about while writing the poem.  There is love in all life which is why this poem was so enjoyed and relatable.

Free Writing

      It is 48 degrees today and I am kind of upset because I thought it was going to be at least 60...It's still pretty warm so I'm not complaining, hopefully I can play football today.  I'm not too excited that I have class at four though because that is usually when everyone would be free.  But, most people are going to be gone by the weekend so football is probably not an option.  It'll be weird not having a lot of people around for the weekend, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.  But, its friday night and I feel alright!  That is from a Montell Jordan song that somehow gets stuck in my head every friday.  To bad I do not have a song for Monday or Tuesday because those are the days I would need a song to get through the day.

"It Gives You Wings"

Things that move me:


1.  A detailed description of a Red Bull can was effective because I get a clear view of what I am about to read about.  It is important to go into detail about a product if you are going to explain its use in society.
2.  I liked the writers paragraph about the Red Bull's audience.  She also threw in a quote from a Red Bull website, which presents credibility
3.  The writer also described how society is constantly stressed and Red Bull provides instant gratification.  This paragraph relates to everyone, and is easy to follow and agree with.
4.  A few paragraphs integrated data from outside resources.  This shows the writer cared about her work and did research on her item.  The data was also used well and effectively in the paragraphs.
5.  The writer seems to have brought a personal touch to the essay.  The paragraphs concerning why people might need Red Bull seemed very personable and close to the writer.
6.  I enjoyed how the writer wrote a paragraph on Drank.  This drink has opposite effects of Red Bull and the writer explained how this drink does not suit our society and why it is not popular.

Things that did not move me:


1.  Many sentences seemed to be run-ons.  The sentences were wordy and the true meaning of the sentence was lost because I was to lost in the wordiness.
2.  There was too much written on the audience that Red Bull portrays itself too.  Although an important part of the essay, the writer went on aimlessly.  Two detailed paragraphs would have been seen more effective and interesting.
3.  Some of the paragraph topics were unclear.  The topic sentences did not always relate to the topic the paragraphs presented.  I was not sure the use for some of the points the writer made.
4.  The sentence and paragraph structures were not well thought out.  Most of the paragraphs were just a few sentences long.  Although good to have small paragraphs, too many and too short can lead to a paper that jumps around ideas too much.
5.  In the writers second to last paragraph, they talk about Red Bull and athletes.  The intense sugar and caffeine content are not good for sports players.  This topic was not believable to me, and therefore not effective.
6.  Some of the sentences in the essay seemed unnecessary.  There was one on how people have joined the Red Bull Facebook page.  This point could have been used well if there was supporting evidence and a strong  paragraph behind it.  But, it was a sentence at the end of a paragraph that did not relate to Facebook.

"Apple's Ipod: I've Got the World on a String"

Things that moved me:

1. I really enjoyed and felt hooked when the writer used data concerning American's use of technology in the first paragraph.  It was a solid intro into the iPod
2. The description of the ipod as it pertains to simplicity was very useful.  Simplicity is also a very good topic to touch on because today's society runs on items that are easy to understand.
3.  In discussing the iPod touch, the writer successfully went into detail about its release and reception.
4.  The linking of iPods to a social necessity was very worthwhile because of how it made me feel more inclined to read on.  Being part of society myself, I read carefully the writers view of what is in style and what is not, and related these ideas to my own.
5.  Most of the writer's topic sentences were very well done.  I felt obliged to read the paragraph because of the hook the topic sentence presented.
6.  The introduction and conclusion paragraphs were very well written summaries.  The writer touched on the important points of the paper without going on ineffectively .

Things that did not move me:


1.  There were many grammar issues in the essay.  The writer's misuse of commas in spots, strayed me away from what I was reading and instead I focused on the grammar.
2.  The writers paragraph concerning podcasting was not effective for me.  I do not know anyone that uses podcast and I believe it is a relatively unpopular application.  The paragraph was not necessary for describing the Ipod's value to society.
3.  The paragraph about the "coolness" of the ipod should have delved into the topic deeper.  Since the main paper question was about an object that has strong effects on society, it would have been better if the writer focused more on the iPod's effects on society.
4.  The conclusion paragraph was over a page long which is too long for a paragraph in a 5 page essay.  Also, since the paragraph was just a conclusion, it should have been much shorter.  It is tough to focus on a paragraph that is that long.
5.  I enjoyed the data in the first paragraph.  It would have been effective and hooking if the writer had used more data and research to relate to the topic.  The iPod has had tons of research that has been done towards  it, and it would have been easy to join this to the paper.
6.  In parenthesis in the title it reads, (Shaped Earphone Chord).  This topic was not raised in the essay.  Also, for the title to have a misspelling is a rough start to a paper for a reader.  People make first impressions, so reading a misspelled and confusing title did not hook me into the essay.

Laptops in Today’s Society

Over the years, laptops have turned from a simple technological advance to a way of life.  Before laptops were invented, people had to be stationary to work on the computer.  With a constant moving and traveling society, staying in one place to work on the computer is impossible.  Technology over time has adapted to fit societal norms.  Laptops have become more then just a way to write and search the internet.  Now, people can blog, listen to music and play games all on one system.  Laptops are taking over as the dominant technology of the human race.  These machines are not just being used by the common worker or student but by police, CIA operatives and other important officials.  This need for laptops to be accessible and useable for many types of jobs, allows companies like IBM, Dell or Apple to create these moving machines to fit very specific and particular tasks.  Although fitting many specific needs, laptops can do almost everything.   Because so much can be done on one machine, this paves clear other competitions that have just a single function.

     IBM is a prominent business that sells laptops.  They have been around since laptops and computers were first put into use.  IBM once had a slogan that read, "I think, therefore IBM".  The slogan is a play on words from the philosophical statement, "I think, therefore I am".  The company uses this famous saying from Descartes to claim that anyone that thinks should have an IBM.  Since everyone thinks and functions with thoughts and ideas, IBM is exclaiming that everyone should own one of their computers.  Also, since everyone has these ideas and wants to share them with the world, what better way then to use a laptop that can help you email, blog, and communicate with others?  This slogan alone shows that laptops have a potential to take over societies way to think in general.

In today’s world everything moves at a fast speed.  People use online banking, for example, because it is faster and saves time.  When walking on the street in a populated area, majority of people are seen rushing; rushing to work, to exercise, to pick up their children or even eat.  Deadlines and being on time is vital in today's society, this makes laptop use extremely popular.  By a few clicks of a button one can be surfing the internet or emailing a report.  Society is setting out rules that revolve around deadlines and being quick but efficient.  With the many job cuts that are being made, a worker must be able to be quick and still generate income.  Laptops are allowing business people to work from anywhere, thus making being efficient a lot easier.    Not only are these laptops used for fast-paced work situations but also for pleasure.  

For children and teenagers, Itunes and other music players offer ways to listen to music on a laptop.  This, mixed with web chatting and blogging websites offers people to express themselves in many ways.  Laptops are of interest and appealing to all ages which makes them one of the most popular advances in technology.  One can sit at home and have all the amenities of leaving the house because with the internet, laptops can access anything.  Why go to Borders when you can read books online?  Why rent a movie at Blockbuster when ordering a movie from Netflix is easier and you don’t have to drive to a store?

In today’s society a computer can do the same if not more work then a person.  With the internet, people can buy books, music, and furniture; basically anything.  Since the laptop has allowed people of all ages to purchase what they need online, there is no need to go to a store.  Although losing a personal touch, buying online is faster and sometimes cheaper then going to a store.  This online shopping is slowly putting more workers out of jobs.  Laptops and computers are picking away at jobs as America finds itself in one of the worst recessions in years.  People are not being lazy, but because of the fast paced society that has developed, humans need to purchase and shop efficiently.  When online shopping first became popular, there were complaints about how there was no help center or worker for a given site.  Now, sites have online workers that make sure the costumer is finding what they need.  Companies are becoming smarter and creating computers that can suit the needs of every costumer.  Thus, computers are not putting companies out of business, just workers. 

Computer companies have adapted to the fast paced society.  When buying a computer there are many offers for warranties and helping how to work the computer.  These are popular because laptops are crowded with every type of application.  These warranties and new applications are ways for computer companies to make money and to help customers.  These applications and warranty options help the consumer save time having to worry about the upkeep of their laptops.  Society is moving at such a fast pace that even the little ways to help people keep up are examined and utilized. 

Companies are not only attempting to help customers, but corporations like IBM are broadening their horizons and creating new and more specific laptops.  In jobs like working for the CIA, FBI or even the Police force, laptops are being used to search for fugitives or convicts on the wanted list.  Programs are being made for the systems to help track and record people.  These computers are also being put to the test in doing research for weapons and bombs.  Laptops can be gateways for the police force to find criminals, but they can also be used in a negative way. 

Although laptops benefit and help keep up with today’s society, there are some flaws to them.  Multiple studies have shown that leaving a laptop on a man’s lap for an extended period of time can “lower sperm counts and reduce chances of fathering a child.”  This expert, taken from a study on Medical News Today, explains the risks of harmful heat a laptop puts off.  According to Dr.Sheynkin, a male’s testicles should maintain a steady temperature.  He claims that laptops can reach to over 70 degrees Celsius which is harmful to the body for a prolonged period of time.  Even though some people are aware of the damages that can be done to the body, they are using laptops regardless to keep up with the fast paced society.  To help prevent lowering sperm counts, one can use their laptops on a table or lap desk.

Another problem with laptops is the misuse of them in school environments.  In an article in the Washington Post, David Cole explains how he constantly faced issues with students not paying attention in class.  With Facebook, Google, and other addicting websites, students with laptops in class spend more time surfing the web and less time focusing on a given lesson.  Cole would ask his students questions and would constantly have the same response, “Could you repeat the question?”  This was not because the student was incapable of hearing or understanding the question but because the student was to busy scanning the internet.  Cole decided to ban computers from his classes and found that 80 percent of his class reported to be more engaged.  The constant distraction the laptop brings with it results in less studious students.  Although being useful to retrieve information and virtually anything else, laptops often serve as a distraction to what is really important in life.

Evolving technology has affected my life and others in many ways.  Since laptops have become vital to succeed in society, morals have become less important.  My dad worked at IBM for over 25 years.  He was a computer salesman, and although he could have been promoted many times, he chose to work at home and stay close to his family.  Last year during the horrible recession, he lost his job with thousands of others.  He was not someone who constantly wanted more and more money but instead kept what was most important to him.  Since technology and computers and laptops have evolved tremendously, they have taken over the workplace.  Instead of needing a human being to do a job, companies are turning to machines to save money.  My family and I were negatively affected by the huge computer advances because companies decided to scratch morals and value money instead.

The evolution of laptops has affected society in many positive and negative ways.  In this fast paced society, people are turning to anything to keep them in pace with the world.  Laptops have slowly evolved into machines that can do almost anything.  For business, laptops are necessary in sending emails, writing reports and doing research on the go.  These machines are also used for people who want entertainment and music.  Applications are constantly being created to fit many different needs and personalities.  Companies like IBM are creating slogans to pull in customers; that their product is a necessity if you are human, (I think, therefore IBM).  Steady help and reinforcement from computer businesses is allowing customers to feel more satisfied with laptops, in turn selling more of the product.  These companies are also making specific models of laptops to fit important government jobs including CIA and FBI.  Laptops and computers also produce negative mental and physical effects.  These include losing sperm count as well as losing students to surfing the web during valuable class time.  My family and many other families have been hurt by the societal turn to computers.  While the advancement of laptops has been positive and necessary in many ways, the damages it has created has left many workers jobless and numerous people too dependent on one object.

Questions for Billy Collins

1. Why do you believe the original poems failed?

2. Do you enjoy stealing/revising others' poems more then writing your own and why?

3. The beginning of the poem sounds religious with "the bread and the wine", was the original poem meant to be religious?

4. Do any of the comparisons you make have any relation to each other?

5. Does the end of the poem and the beginning, with relation to the goblet of wine and bread, have any relation to each other?

6. When comparing yourself to objects instead of the beloved, is it done for humor or are you making a statement about romance or relationships in general?

The Materiality of my Essay

     In my five page paper concerning the usage of laptops, I used standard MLA formatting.  I wrote with 12-point font, Times New Roman and double spacing.  The margins were one and a half inch, and the paper concluded with a works consulted page.  Why use such basic and boring methods to write?  Because society has set standards for everything.
     The paper specifications are based off societal norms.  We live in a world where color is seen as setting certain moods.  When writing a serious paper, a reader should not see what the writer is feeling by visuals.  Instead, the writer should paint a picture with words.  The more professional a paper looks, the easier it is to follow because the reader is less distracted by color or font or how the paper is formatted.  Society has set these rules and by not following them, one can become outcast and less accepted.

Flight of the Kuakas

     Don Stap uses many different techniques to describe and analyze the Kuakas.  He uses very descriptive language to inform the reader about the birds and their environment.  From the first sentence, "In February, at 37 degrees 12 minutes south latitude..."  This puts the reader in an exact location and feel for the story.  Stap writes primarily as a scientist as he uses exact names for the birds and objects.  Using this specific language not only throughly informs the reader but brings them in because the words are able to tell a story.  Some scientists when they write inform readers with nothing but definitions and data.  Although using some definitions and data, Stap educates the readers by incorporating these definitions into a story.
     Stap also understands the difficulty of remembering the bird names, so he effectively italicizes each time he uses Kuaka and Baueri.  This ability to reinforce the readers with information is also done when he includes direct quotes from other scientists on the mission.  Since the article is mainly a scientific diagnosis of the birds, Stap understands the importance of making sure the reader keeps up.  He also describes these other scientists which puts the writing on a more personal level and creates an easier relatable story.  Stap makes a topic I would normally think to be boring and not exciting, interesting and easy to follow with his use of descriptive language.

Metaphors and Definitions in "Don't"

     In this scientific analysis of instant gratification in children, there are a surprising number of metaphors and very few amount of definitions.  In a scientific article one would think many definitions would be used because of the specific and troublesome words that are associated with science.  The author used few definitions and attempted to use more words that were relatable to a wide variety of an audience.  He uses just a few definitions like metacognition which is described as thinking about thinking.  Lehrer tends to use more metaphors like on page 48, "Others start kicking the desk, or tug on their pigtails, or stroke the marshmallow as if it were a tiny stuffed animal".  He also describes how he tells psychologists to think like mechanics.  These are just two of many metaphors in the article.  Lehrer uses these metaphors to relate to a younger audience.  This experiment is important for all ages, which is why Lehrer steers away from big and confusing ideas and sticks to metaphors and easy understanding sentences.

Revising and examining "Ideas"

"In thinking about a certain idea, many sentences and ideas can be drawn by using detailed words about this idea."

     This quote presents repetitions and a confusing idea but as a whole it is grammatically correct. The sentence's point is lost because of the repetition and other non-descriptive words.  In repeating a word the writer comes across as lazy and the reader has less interest in the piece.  The sentence is also very general and does not produce a concrete and specific thought.  I believe the sentence is attempting to say that when creating a very general idea, the more detailed thoughts put into this creation, the more sentences and paragraphs can be produced.  Even if the writer has a broad idea, the more specific they delve into this hypothesis then the better it can be explained.  Although a decent and thoughtful topic, the writer loses meaning in the sentence by repetition.  

    

Editing and Revising "Don't"

"Mischel and his team hope to identify crucial neural circuits that cut across a wide variety of ailments".

     In the article "Don't", the Stanford professor Mischel examines and conducts an experiment involving children and their reactions to temptation.  He gives the young children a choice whether to eat a marshmallow right away or to wait and then have two marshmallows.  The students that chose to take the single marshmallow experienced problems with drugs and the law in life.  Mischel wants to try and find important nerves in the brain and how they react to different situations.  Mischel and his team are hoping to find connections in the nervous system that relate to illness.  By examining these brain issues, the team believes they can find many problems that are caused by a flawed nervous system.  By linking the brain and behavioral traits, Mischel and his team can attempt to find a cure for some of these illnesses.

The need for marshmallows

     Walter Mischel is a psychologist that was in charge of an experiment involving four year old students.  The experiment tested the children on whether they would wait to eat two marshmallows or take just one right away.  The children that chose to wait for the two marshmallows proved to be more successful in life while the children who took the marshmallow right away turned to drugs and poor lives.  The experiment shows the importance of waiting and not needing instant gratification.
     People use drugs to make themselves instantly feel better.  When put into rehab and given time to recuperate, most addicts become sober and refuse drugs.  The successful people who decided to wait for the two marshmallows show that happiness and success come in patience and waiting.  Although hard to believe that a child's decision to wait for two marshmallows decides their success in life, it no doubt proves that needing instant gratification is a bad and harmful way to live your life.

Laptops and their importance to society

     Over the years laptops have turned from a simple technological advance to a way of life.  Before laptops were invented, people had to be stationary to work on the computer.  With a constant moving and traveling society, staying in one place to work on the computer is impossible.  Technology over the times have adapted to fit societal norms.  Laptops have become more then just a way to write and search the internet.  Now, people can blog, listen to music and play games all on one system.  Laptops are taking over as the dominant technology of the human race.  Because so much can be done on one machine, this paves clear other competitions that can just run one power of the laptop.
     IBM is a prominent business that sells laptops.  They have been around since laptops and computers were first put into use.  IBM once had a slogan that read, "I think, therefore IBM".  The slogan is a play on words from the philosophical statement, "I think, therefore I am".  IBM uses this famous saying from Descartes to claim that anyone that thinks should have an IBM.  Since everyone thinks and functions with thoughts and ideas, IBM is exclaiming that everyone should own an IBM.  Also, since everyone has these ideas and wants to share them with the world, what better way then to use a laptop that can help you email, blog, and communicate with others.  This slogan alone shows that laptops have a potential to take over societies way to think in general.
     In todays world everything moves at a fast speed.  People use online banking for example because its faster and saves time.  Walking on the street in a populated area majority of people are seen rushing; rushing to work, to exercise, to pick up their children or even eat.  Deadlines and being on time is vital in today's society, this makes laptop use extremely popular.  By a few clicks of a button one can be surfing the internet or emailing a report.  Not only are these laptops used for fast-paced work situations but also for pleasure.  For children and teenagers, itunes and other music players offer ways to listen to music on a laptop.  This mixed with web chatting and blogging websites offers people to express themselves in many ways.  Laptops are of interest and appealing to all ages which makes them one of the most popular advances in technology.
     Computer companies have adapted to the fast paced society.  When buying a computer there are many offers for warranties and helping how to work the computer.  These are popular because laptops are crowded with every type of application.  These warranties and new applications are ways for computer companies to make money and to help customers.  These applications and warranty options help the consumer save time having to worry about the upkeep of their laptops.  Society is moving at such a fast pace that even the little ways to help people keep up are examined and utilized.
      

You Can Shine

     The Pantene commercial I viewed in class consisting of a deaf violin player and a rival, ended with the slogan, "You Can Shine".  Our group dissected this saying and found the core reasons behind its use.  Pantene, being a shampoo product, is shown to make a person's hair shine.  The girl finishes the commercial moving violently playing the violin while her hair flies along shining.  The slogan also directly relates to the girl shining as a person.  Every person has their own way they shine, and this girl needed to break away from society.  She is criticized by others because she is deaf.  She asks a poor man who is also deaf, why she can't be like others.  She slowly realizes that she does not need to be like anybody but her own person.  By realizing her own freedom and the importance of her self, she is able to be praised and applauded at the end of the commercial.
    
     In the Pantene commercial there are other instances where shining as a theme occurs.  The protagonist meets a deaf man who plays violin as what appears to be a street performer.  He is shown with a camera circling around him to show how the entire audience watching him enjoys his performance.  It is apparent by his clothing and appearance that he is of the lower class and maybe even homeless.  He is able to teach the protagonist that despite facing hardships, you can still strive in an environment by expressing yourself.  The man is a direct opposite as the girl that bullies and makes fun of the protagonist.  Her hair is pulled up in a bun, showing she does not think freely.  This closed minded person does not see the protagonist as another person but as someone less of value because of her deafness.  In the final performance, the antagonist girl is seen playing a good piece on the piano but with little emotion.  When the protagonist plays her violin with her flare and emotions the audience is stunned and greet her with standing ovation.  The single minded piano player contrasts the man and the protagonist because of her lacking ability to shine through her feelings.

     Imagery in the Pantene commercial plays a very important role in communicating the main message.  As the protagonist progresses through the commercial she is shown shining in different ways.  While she plays music, clips of her running through fields freely are shown.  This freedom is needed for her to succeed as a musician and she is rewarded by a stunned and loving audience.  Her breaking out of a shell of self-consciousness is very similar to the butterflies that are shown with her running in the fields.  They too must break out of a cocoon and be strong to free themselves for good.  The dying of her mentor towards the end of the commercial and her ability to continuously succeed shows her total independence from even her biggest crutch.  As she out shines her rival in the final performance, she not only is then believed in by others but by herself as well, which is the most important of all.