"Apple's Ipod: I've Got the World on a String"

Things that moved me:

1. I really enjoyed and felt hooked when the writer used data concerning American's use of technology in the first paragraph.  It was a solid intro into the iPod
2. The description of the ipod as it pertains to simplicity was very useful.  Simplicity is also a very good topic to touch on because today's society runs on items that are easy to understand.
3.  In discussing the iPod touch, the writer successfully went into detail about its release and reception.
4.  The linking of iPods to a social necessity was very worthwhile because of how it made me feel more inclined to read on.  Being part of society myself, I read carefully the writers view of what is in style and what is not, and related these ideas to my own.
5.  Most of the writer's topic sentences were very well done.  I felt obliged to read the paragraph because of the hook the topic sentence presented.
6.  The introduction and conclusion paragraphs were very well written summaries.  The writer touched on the important points of the paper without going on ineffectively .

Things that did not move me:


1.  There were many grammar issues in the essay.  The writer's misuse of commas in spots, strayed me away from what I was reading and instead I focused on the grammar.
2.  The writers paragraph concerning podcasting was not effective for me.  I do not know anyone that uses podcast and I believe it is a relatively unpopular application.  The paragraph was not necessary for describing the Ipod's value to society.
3.  The paragraph about the "coolness" of the ipod should have delved into the topic deeper.  Since the main paper question was about an object that has strong effects on society, it would have been better if the writer focused more on the iPod's effects on society.
4.  The conclusion paragraph was over a page long which is too long for a paragraph in a 5 page essay.  Also, since the paragraph was just a conclusion, it should have been much shorter.  It is tough to focus on a paragraph that is that long.
5.  I enjoyed the data in the first paragraph.  It would have been effective and hooking if the writer had used more data and research to relate to the topic.  The iPod has had tons of research that has been done towards  it, and it would have been easy to join this to the paper.
6.  In parenthesis in the title it reads, (Shaped Earphone Chord).  This topic was not raised in the essay.  Also, for the title to have a misspelling is a rough start to a paper for a reader.  People make first impressions, so reading a misspelled and confusing title did not hook me into the essay.